And im not afraid to be.
I read a quote thing on Tumblr, about how if the world were to end in 20 minutes and we all knew it, phone lines and such would be jammed up with people doing nothing but calling each other trying to tell each other, "I love you"
and its true.
Because in those last few moments of life, you put everything aside and you realize whats important. And at that moment, nothing else is.
Face it, if today was the last day the Earth was to spin in its rotation and WE ALL KNEW IT- chances are youd be telling everyone you ever loved but never told, every enemy you wished wasnt your enemy, every ex who you just wanted to call and say Hi, i still care about you but never could because their new piece makes it impossible, because they cant just accept that maybe youre over the fact that you dated....but that person is still someone you care for.
sure, maybe youd also be out on a rampant killing spree like i plan to at the end of the world in 2012 but THAT ISNT THE POINT OF THIS POST.
My point is. . . .why do we have to wait until the world is ending? John Lennon and Yoko Ono had it right. Just calling people randomly to tell them they love them. all you need is love. Its true. And im not a hippie and i dont come from the 1960's. Im a kid born of the 90's. a mish mosh of a decade with no real movement, no real unifiying factor. That grew up just in time to go to college and have war declared my freshman year. Only to graduate into a depression era like economy that had no place for me, my degree, or my broke ass.
And still, I dare to dream.
Yes, I say dare. because you know what? Being a dreamer isnt fucking easy. Full of ideals and beliefs in the power of raw human emotion. That I, and anyone else, can do absolutely anything. A belief that the power of love truly can conquer all. Its not fucking easy when the whole world tells you you need to be making money. you need to have a good job. you need to do something practical. you need to focus on getting married and having a house and life and a career.
I dont want any of that.
no i dont wanna be broke. no i dont want to waste my life but i dont think that i am. I will spend every last moment of every second with every last ounce of breath in my lungs looking at every broken girl who hates themselves for no good reason
every boy who doesnt think hes good enough or worthy enough of being loved.
every single human being who is truly and genuinely pure of heart but theyve been beaten down so badly they dont think they are....they think theyre the shit people have put on them...
I will spend every second of my life placing each one of my own chewed up hands around their face and looking them dead in the eye, staring straight into their soul and tell them "you are good enough. you are worthy. you are beautiful. there is breath in your lungs and a beat in your chest and at least one person in this world is willing to punch through all your armor until im bruised if it means you'll see what im talking about. How do you think my hands got this way?"
If i can show one person in this world, if my poetry, if my words, can make one stranger. . . one broken person realize who they are and what they have....that they have the capacity to love and be loved in return...and i mean REAL love. not jealous possessive manipulative "love"
i mean the " i love you for exactly who you are flaws and all" type of love. Yet again we come back to Corinthians and those right there, those are guidelines...because love truly is pure of heart. it expects nothing. it wants for nothing. it seeks to give. to show. to teach. to make you smile when you cant.
I dare to be a dreamer because dreaming isnt easy. Loving isnt easy. accepting that you will be hurt as a result of giving so much love isnt easy. To be patient one must be made to wait. To keep no record of wrongs one must first BE wronged. these are not conditions to love, but they are truths. yet to attain them often means to accept vulnerability. it is to accept humanity. in one self and the rest of the world.
you and me are flesh and blood. we falter. we make mistakes. we act out of anger. we hurt people. we hurt ourselves. we try to numb. we try to medicate. we find comfort in drugs. we find comfort in food. we detach. we exploit. we use. we abuse.
we are human.
frail in our bodies and fragile in our emotions.
from that frailty comes something astounding. the power to overcome. the power to unite. You ever see a movement of people? all doing something for one common goal. fighting for their rights...peaceful movements of people all trying to make the world see them for who they are, not WHAT they are....thats beautiful. that is an understanding of humanity at its core.
I forgive you for being human. It's time you forgive yourself.
Like i said. . . i dont understand why we all have to wait until the end of the world to tell the people we care about that we care about them. Maybe youll say, "humans just take each other for granted. we take tomorrows for granted" and its true we do....
but i dont like living that way. i never have. because we all know we could die tomorrow.. .. ..we all know it. we dont expect it, but we can all shake our heads in agreement that that fact does exist. yet none of us live like it. We say we should. we quote poets and actors that say shit like that....but we do nothing about it.
so the way i love....no matter who i love...will always be unconditional. There are no terms, no conditions, no deal breakers on my love. I understand somethings arent healthy, and those things are not what im talking about.
I love the people closest to me with a fierceness that is difficult to rival. I cant explain it. Nor am i going to try to. but sometimes, they have no idea how amazing they are and it breaks my heart. but i wont leave, i wont give up....because my loyalty is just as fierce as my love.
im one of those people that is difficult to get rid of.
So the way i love, the way i dream, the way i see the world. . . .will be through the lens of a dreamer. Through the eyes of wide eyed innocence in a world that does nothing but attempt to darken them and close them to narrow slits.
I dont care if i never have a "real job"
I dont care if i struggle for a long time.
I dont care if people think im too passionate.
i Dont care if people penalize me for loving so profoundly. (and they often do. I get left a lot because people think im too much to handle. they feel like i have all these feelings that they can not return...and while being loved in return is awesome....Im sorry, i really just wanted to show you how beautiful you could be. . . thats all. I see people. you know what i mean. i SEE. people.)
this is me. this is who i am. this is how i love.
i will not apologize for it.
i will not curb what i feel for this world and the people in it.
i will not stop believing in the power and beauty of pure human emotion.
i will not stop dreaming.
i will not stop loving.
i will not stop.
I will Change the world one person at a time if i have to.
and if i die suddenly, and my words have had any impact on this world i want them to be shared.
because the only tragedy. .. the only waste of my life i can see. . .. is having not been heard.